Opinion: Helping your child transition to high school

EducationDaily

Written by:

Melissa Hood, consultant and program developer at the Chain Reaction Foundation

Day one at high school. It’s one of our most important education milestones.

You might remember your first day – filled with excitement mixed with feelings of uncertainty and worry about the unknown.

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For many children, it’s a daunting prospect. They were the big fish in a small pond – and now they’re minnows in the ocean.

They often report feeling overwhelmed, intimidated by the adult-looking older kids, anxious about finding their way around, getting to class on time and being able to cope with the increased workload. They also worry about making friends and the possibility of bullying.

Smooth transitions

So how can you help your child navigate this transition as the new school year unfolds?

No doubt you’ve got the basics sorted – new uniform, stationery supplies, books. The real work is, of course, helping them manage their feelings as the prospect of more independence looms.

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Where to start?

First up, acknowledge their feelings (and yours!). It’s okay to be nervous – even anxious. It won’t create more anxiety to talk through their feelings.

For example, if they’re overwhelmed deep breathing and a good sleep will do wonders. Fresh air and exercise are also good for everyone, particularly when stressed.

It’s good to model all these approaches yourself. Research shows children with a supporting adult are better able to handle challenging situations. But that doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything. Put aside your own negative experiences, if that’s part of your story, and focus on the positives.

The big two

…which leads us to two really important areas of support your child needs during this transition: friendships and organisation.

Let’s talk friends first.

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Will other kids like them? Reassure your child that everyone is starting together – and they want to make new friends too! They might even already know some of the kids moving with them from primary school, or other community activities, such as sport?

If that’s the case, remind your child of the kids they already know and suggest they make plans with them for recess and lunch. Another great idea is organising a get together with local kids before school starts. Familiar faces build confidence and excitement. And keep an eye out for alerts about an induction or orientation day to familiarise them with the buildings and meet other students. If there are no plans, or you missed the induction day, ask if you can do a tour with the principal or one of the teachers.

Most importantly, remind your child (often!) of their good qualities:

“You were very thoughtful in the way you included Sophie in your game yesterday. That was kind.”

Practicing conversation openers is also useful. Great questions they can ask other kids include, “Where did you go to primary school? What do you think your favourite subject will be? Do you like sport or are you into dance or music?”

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All these ideas can help your child feel prepared and ready to have a great experience.

Organisation

One of the biggest differences in high school is the degree to which students are expected to be self-reliant. You can help prepare your child by increasing their levels of independence at home. Can they contribute more to the running of the household? Pitch it as an honour to be given more responsibility. Can they go to the local shops or a park on their own? Make your expectations clear and talk through what to do in different situations.

If your child is going to be travelling to school on their own, practice the route in stages. If they’re going on the bus, go with them the first time and then let them do it on their own, but maybe follow behind until they’re confident on their own. Make sure they have somewhere safe to keep their travel pass and teach them how to read the timetable.

Timetables will also be a feature of school life so make sure your child understands how to use them. Make them responsible for having the right books or equipment for each day.

Create a holiday timetable where they’ll need different items for different activities to get them used to it. During the holidays, get into the habit of organising clothes – put a selection out the night before and make sure dirty clothes get into the wash.

Keep listening

Finally, towards the end of the holidays, and after they start school, encourage your child to talk to you about any worries. Just sharing a problem can be reassuring. You might have some useful tips, but remember listening is always more important than advising.

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Create opportunities for these conversations in the car, during mealtimes or at bedtime. When you’ve given them enough time and space, reflect on all the good things and validate their experiences.

Starting high school isn’t always easy, but with some thoughtful preparation you can set them up for a successful transition.

Melissa Hood is a consultant and program developer at the Chain Reaction Foundation.

Author of Real Parenting for Real Kids, Melissa Hood

She has led hundreds of classes, with training in NLP, group dynamics, non-verbal communication and supporting separated families and is also the author of Real Parenting for Real Kids, a guide for parents and professionals working with children.

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